The Crime of Self-Love
- Ruqaya Jawad
- Feb 15, 2021
- 3 min read
It seems like there is very little opportunity to execute self-love in our lives. On the one hand. we are fed the idea that we must love ourselves before we decide to love other people, and yet we are berated when we try to oppose our weaknesses and insecurities. We are sold this illusion that we must accept ourselves for who we are, but when we show outward expressions of confidence, we are deemed "full of ourselves, narcissistic, overbearing, and delusional." The reality is that there is no middle ground unless we choose to take control of our own self-perception. And only then, will we understand the true meaning of self-love.
The first and most important point to touch on is the definition of self-love. Many people mistakenly believe that self-love is a consequence of inflated egos, insecurities masked with delusion, or straight-up narcissism. However, the true definition of the word is quite the opposite of this narrow lens. According to psychologist Andrea Brandt, "Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. [but] Loving yourself doesn’t mean you think you’re the smartest, most talented, and most beautiful person in the world. Instead, when you love yourself you accept your so-called weaknesses [and] appreciate these so-called shortcomings." In other words, self-love is about accepting your circumstances and the cards that life has dealt you rather than running away from who you are or hiding behind a fantasy.
The truth is, self-love is not easy. Especially with the immense pressures put on by friends, family, and society as a whole. Too many people have too many things to say about who you are, what you look like, and what you believe. Such noise can out-compete your mission of understanding and accepting yourself. However, there is a way to avoid absorbing the toxicity around you. This is mainly done by being picky about who you choose to listen to, and who you allow commenting on your life. While it may be virtually impossible to escape criticism, you can reclaim control of how you perceive yourself by forming an emotional phalanx of supporters. This is by no means encouraging you to form a crowd of "yes-men," which can create just as much damage to your self-esteem, but to filter out the negativity and maintain a positive yet realistic environment for your emotional well-being to thrive.
Remember, self-love is a personal journey with lots of ups and downs. There is no "grandiose discovery" that you will encounter, but patience will be your best tool at navigating this path for yourself.
With that being said, here are some tips on how to practice self-love:
Be picky about what you choose to put in/ on your body: taking care of your physical health but at a reasonable and healthy pace (eating healthy and nutritious food but allowing yourself to indulge once in a while, choosing skin/ hair care products carefully)
Challenge your inner critic: debate the logic behind your sub-conscious negativity and trace the root of it
Surround yourself with positive people who will keep you in check and help up-lift you
Celebrate your wins, no matter how big or small
Live in slow motion: appreciate every moment (good or bad), feel every emotion (good or bad), and take your time to breathe intuitively
Be patient with yourself: understand that there is no obligation for you to constantly be competing with other people, and appreciate how much you've already accomplished
Question your need for approval: why do you need someone to tell you to buy that top when you've already subconsciously decided that you want to buy it?
Be-friend yourself: look forward to living in your own skin each and every morning
Do not seek relationships to fill a void: relationships (platonic or romantic) should not be the basis of your self-worth, happiness, or acceptance. The people you choose to surround yourself with should be an added bonus, a cherry on top, a choice but not an obligation.
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